The first hail in my life

Today I was at the station Aqua Loop as an usher (6WB). Actually, it didn't go smoothly at the beginning. I forget a lot of details, like weighing the riders' weight and height as well as reminding them of taking off chains, bracelets, watches and sunglasses... and Riley reminded me a lot. The worse part was that I didn't understand Riley's English. Why is my listening comprehension so bad? Therefore, I didn't know that two spare boards on the top of Aqua Loop were left for riders; hence two riders don't need to carry boards upstairs. I hope I can get used to it quickly and assist other colleagues in stead of needing their helps.

Some parts made me happy is that three guests remembered my name and said hello to me even after I changed my station to Whirl Pool (12A). Two of them are Caucasian and the other is Asian. The Asian guy is obvious the second or the third generation of the immigration. If ABC stands for the American Born Chinese, then here in Aussie, it stands for the Australian Born Chinese. He acts absolutely like ABC. I envy him because he can speak fluent English and make good friends here. I think his friends are Asian friendly or Asian culture lovers; consequently, they remember my name and my appearance though only one Asian lifeguard in the water park. I hate my poor English, my weird accent and my odd expression (the formation of sentences) that makes me always revealed myself as an alien. It's impossible for me to act and behave like the Caucasian, but I can make efforts and do more to achieve it; the question is that I have to be culturally colonized -- the assimilation. I am blocked in the cultural theories; I meant the theories provides some perspectives and ways of thinking, but what if it's my personal and private experience I have to face and choose?

Before we can call it is a day, the summer storm suddenly came to its power. I revere the power of the nature! The heavy shower, lightening, thunders and the hail. It's the first time I viewed the hail personally! It's like while stones, but actually it's snow in the solid body. Amazingly! After the hail, the temperature suddenly dropped down and became pretty chilly.

Labrador, QLD 2415

                                          "Changing of Seasons"

I am gonna move to Labrador in Gold Coast tomorrow (13/11/2013); and these couple days it rains in the afternoon or sometimes at night with lightening and thunder.  After the rain, it's very humid and sort of like the weather in Taiwan. Well...it's going to be summer time in Australia. Ha...the summer storm always reminds me of the first time I catch up with Mitch at his flat; he helped me to trim the back part of my hair; I had it cut myself with a clipper like being bitten by a dog and he helped me to make it better. "My your hair" - it's my hair, but you have it cut; you designed its shape and style. On that day you told me that my hair is SO black. I said, "Because I am Asian." Mitch replied, "Of course! I know you are Asian. I just think it's amazing...." What I didn't tell you is that....when we are growing old, they are all the same, my hair and your hair, all gray! (And then will you still think I, an Asian, am exotic for you?) Anyway, it will be really hard for us to meet up again after I leave Australia next year. You were born in 1982 and I was in 1981; we are the same age group. It's really a long time that I didn't meet my age group.

Honestly I don't want to leave Brisbane city because you are here. Though I know that we are not aligned together; you just want a mate and date right now after you just broke up with your ex and I prefer to go further from friendship to become couples. It hurts me most is that you told me that I am not the type usually you will be fond of, but why you flirt with me if you just think our friendship basically is like a mate or a friend. Well...it's some sick relationship whatever what kind it is! I'd better stop it in case of hurting myself. I will get it over! I am working and on holidays here; as a traveler and a  migrant worker my status is uncertain and unstable. What can I expect or look for? Enjoy this moment is what I can do, but I am just greedy and I want the relationship more than just like the dew in the morning - momentary and transient. I got sick of passing through like pedestrians and strangers. But let me go cold turkey 'casue I have to get it over. And I will forget you! It's a must!

Time to say goodbye, Brisbane.

1) Today I had a dream - it's just a very short conversation with Jim, Mitch's prior partner. The language I spoke in the dream was English. I am sick of the switches of my language channels and it doesn't function well and precisely - the insecure feelings upsets me.

2) Life is gonna change a lot next week for having a new job in Gold Coast - resigning the cleaning job in Brisbane, finding a flat-share around Helensvale and most importantly the orientation of my new job. I hope that everything goes smoothly.

3) And those friends in Brisbane passed by, I do thank you, especially Mitch - a pseer-by/a mate/a friend - who shares me with his video games, his tastes of music, coffee, the Aussie culture and sometimes he corrects my English. Good and bad memories mixed together. Anyway, it doesn't matter right now; I got it over. I think that I tarry in Brisbane long enough and forget that I am a traveler supposed to travel/wander. Just let go; then I can have new scenes in my life.

The Simpleton

What a big joke you played on me!
Please have your mercy upon me.

Probability

God has its will and I am at his disposal!

The First Western Dish I Cooked in Brisbane City YHA

Today I registered my mobile phone in Brisbane; it's Yes! Optus! Actually, I prefer to use the Woolworths Mobile at first, but its sim card was sold out all the brisbane, so i just give up. After having the mobile phone number, I opened a new bank account in Westpac; about 7-8 days later I have to go back to the bank near the Brisbane general post office to get my debit card. And finally I applied the TFN, but I still worries about the job thing. I hope that I can get used to the Australian accent as soon as possible.

Yesterday I had a very bad dinner 'cause of lacking of raw materials, but I just tried to observe others' cuisines. Finally, I went to Woolworths today to buy oil, salt, beef, tomatoes, potatoes, broccoli and milk; Today, I had a great dinner, western dishes.

----
oil, 3.00
carrot 1kg, 1.65
potato 2kg, 5.48
cream milk, 2.99
table saltdrum, 0.89
cheese sauce, 3.69
broccoli, 1.78
onion x2, 1.13
tomato, 1.96
=37.6

First day in Brisbane, Australia.

I got arrival in Brisbane yesterday after a long flight from Singapore via Darwin to Brisbane. The weather here is cooler and drier than Singapore, but the UVA/UVB must be strong. It's a new beginning of life and what is my position here? But the basical problems i have to deal with is that I have to learn cooking in case of hunger to death.

Short Voyages to the Land of the People might be an interesting book. Right now I am a migrant worker in Australia.

- shampoo, 9.99
- body wash, 7.00
- banana ultra spf 50+, 21.49
- apples, 3.88
- spaghetti, 2.00
- broccoli, 1.15
- blackcurrant jam, 2.50
=53.70

給再過1天就31歲又6個月大的自己

論文老師已經看過，老師說沒什麼大問題。
我想把第一章改寫好，再修一些details跟proof-reading一次，這樣6/11應該可以提口試了，順利的話7/3-5之間可以thesis defense。

如果可以重選一次，我應該不會先休學去完成兩樣事情，雖然我覺得那樣對我而言是有利的生涯規劃方式（但一般人會覺得是比較笨的方法），畢竟沒有長輩的庇蔭，雖然沒有辦法搭直達車，但是我用比較迂迴、花時間的方式完成，未來還是有機會達到我自己的夢想。比較不喜歡的是，我的碩班一般來講3年畢業，我自己休學2年，這樣等於是念博班5年...搞得自己好像是智障畢不了業的感覺（一般人31歲應該是拿phD）。anyway，我有自己的考量，一定要在31歲前先把工作的qulification拿到，並且累積一年資歷，以後才有勇氣追求夢想，不然我只能被現實被生活埋了（雖然可能有人會覺被埋了也沒什麼不好）。

當初要休學找老師談，老師暗示我他之前學生休學最後都不了了之，沒拿到學位。雖然他沒有明講反對我休學，但是意思點到了....我感謝他的暗示。只能說我對自己太有信心了，工作兩年再回來寫論文，真他媽的有難度，要把以前學過的東西重新找回來，要轉換另一種心情.....工作之後有薪水過著很愜意的生活，要跟這些物質享受與金錢的安全感切斷是一種挑戰。還好我回來了！雖然這次差點回不來，花了我不少工夫才又把以前念過的書和學術訓練找回來！但還好我回來了！當初老師暗示我最好不要休學時，我內心的OS──我不一樣！我的人生一直例外！──終於要兌現了，也是此時我了解老師當初暗示的原因。

二年的時間再回來學校又是另外一種不同的感覺，可能是因為工作demanding的關係，要表現的大方自信....雖然這對我而言是一種表演，但演久了也可能弄假成真，某些程度上我覺得自己已經沒有那種boyishness，但也因此我同時體驗到保有赤子之心的可貴與難得，人生說長不長、說短不短....，人也是在時間和生活中逐漸改變原來的自己，每個人走向不同的人生追求，政客、慈善家、噁心的媒體名嘴.....如果我是有能力的人，我應該要嘗試讓自己的人生往我自己喜歡的方向走，而不是被機率、或現實的考量決定自己的選擇，社會價值所定義的成功是一回事，而自己內心的那一把尺呢？

寫論文期間，怕自己生活規律亂掉，刻意維持跑步的習慣，常看到操場的某位田徑隊（大學部）學弟，看見彼此很多次應該都知道有這個人存在。哈~ 要是我還是26歲，我應該會想辦法去認識他跟他當朋友，出自某種面善、感覺磁場接近的好感和意圖去跟他當朋友，而不是想著會有戀情之類的動機，只是我覺得生命經驗差太多了，我已經體驗過當兵、工作、研究所、工作、寫論文.....而他的生活還在大學校園，也許當朋友也沒有什麼共通話題好聊，另外我也害怕被他當30歲的怪物XXXD

跨過30歲，然後又花了一年的時間調整自己的心態，已經不會再有什麼抓不抓住青春尾巴的焦慮，青春雖然美好但是也走得好辛苦，能讓自己長出一些對自己的信心，我想是我從26歲到31歲的收穫。

告別人生青春美好的「20年代」，迎向大叔的未來的同時，突然我真他媽的想念跟我一樣7年級初段班的同類....忽然大家就這樣不見了 XD

希望眾神賜福我更多的勇氣與智慧面對人生，以及關鍵時的一點好運氣。



《柏拉圖對話‧法律篇》：

 惟有上帝才值得我們最嚴肅的崇敬，但人僅僅是上帝的玩偶，這正是人最有價值的地方。因此每個人都需要以這樣的態度去生活，去玩最高尚的遊戲，以便進入與當下心態不同的另一種境界……那麼，什麼是正確的生活方式呢？我們必須把生活當作遊戲，要玩一些遊戲，要參加祭祀、要唱歌跳舞，這樣你就能夠使神靈息怒，保護自己不受的人侵犯，而且在競賽中獲取勝利。

---

計中掃描

今天下午去計中用scanner，碰巧那個位置有人坐，而他同學坐旁邊用另一台電腦，兩個人在講話，我以為坐在scanner主機那個人只是為了跟同學講話，所以坐那裡~
所以我就過去跟他講：同學請問你有要用掃描機嗎?
他說沒要用，然後把位置讓給我，但是他說：給你先用，只是不要把我的視窗關掉就好。

哈哈~~ 煞時我覺得我好白目XD 對方是好人一枚~ (超想發卡給他的XXXD)
所以我就開始掃描，然後他站在我後面，繼續跟同學講話
但是因為跟scanner很不熟，所以我動作有點緩慢...
他就在後面指揮，按那個...那個、那個，再換那個~~ 我以為他是在跟他同學講話，原來是在跟我講話=_=

掃好之後，沒有隨身碟所以寄到信箱好了，所以在搜尋引擎打了"gmail'
不知為什麼它就直接登入了...看了5秒鐘，覺得我的信箱好像長得不太一樣@@
原來那是他的gmail...所以趕快登出換我的。
這樣應該不會被認為是偷看別人email吧~
好險對方也沒講什麼~ 早知道就不用登出，直接用他的email寄就好，省得登入登出的~~

為什麼要寫這篇呢? 因為這是第二次在學校可以聞到男生香香的味道，所以紀念一下~
不是用香水的那中香味，只是沐浴乳或洗髮精的餘味。
個人是覺得香水味道很噁心，但是沐浴乳或洗髮精的餘味就很棒，通常男生是臭的，只有女生才會有這種香香的味道XD 所以今天很開心聞道男生香香的味道，o yeah~我好像變態狂~

然後對方好像是生科之類的科系~ 生科加分~

flashback

果真某外系的老師昨天才給我解答，今天早上9點多給她改好的考卷，下午又被她call去綜館，因為上一份考卷答案有錯，要重改一次。而且我發現這是另一個班的考卷不是C、D班的，不知道是哪邊的？我想我下學期不會再當她TA了。

拿完要重改的考卷，走另一條平常不會走的路徑去二餐，經過紅紅的棒球場，接著遶到工五，想起這邊曾經是R的lab，他在那裏做機器人，看起來沒有很厲害的機器人讓他順利畢業，還拿到論文獎，不過應該是因為好萊塢電影給了一般人太多錯誤的機器人形象，畢竟robot是robot，AI是另一個層次的東西，不能這樣批評R的機器人。到了工三是P的lab，以前去過幾次，裡面有大型計算機，lab很乾燥，整天不是開著冷氣就是開著除濕機，常常讓我幻想silicon valley的天氣是不是也這樣？不過P的研究不太順，跟指導吵翻，沒有提前畢業反而先休學當兵，然後再回學校，重新花2年initiate另一個thesis，然後在宅校當一年研究助理順便準備語言，之後apply到uw-madison唸PhD。

認識P是因為騎單車，我跟他唯三的共同興趣大概就：bicycle, electronica, and NGC，其他無話可說；有一次我去P宿舍，P洗澡後穿著白色BVD出來，我必須承認這樣其實很考驗我的冷靜（雖然我打過straight vaccine），但是P身高182cm，我身高177cm，被俯視著，這5cm是令我害羞的高度（屢試不爽，應該是跟視角有關），眼睛擺哪裡都不太對自在的感覺，當然那天什麼事都沒有發生，只有一段men's talk（or old boys' talk）；P的宿舍很簡單，大概就3~4套換洗衣服跟書，一張面窗的書桌，桌上一瓶vitamin c和另一罐b complex，簡單到令人吃驚，P在新竹所有的家當就這樣。

我覺得P實在太特別了，甚至覺得他有沒有可能是asperger syndrome，不過可能還要再翻一下TSM-IV-TR，基本上P是蠻偏執且只專注於他感興趣的東西，不過P的英文也蠻好的，從他口中聽過幾個比較少聽到的單字，像adorable、lava（這個字我大三才會，因為某間夜店才知道的XD）。不過那次去了P宿舍之後我決定跟P的友誼就定調在君子之交，因為在mens' talk時，他說了一件讓我覺得很可怕的想法，P：「如果你要占有一個女人，要先占有她的身體，接著她的心，讓她從身體和心理都死心蹋地臣服於你。」我承認，如果對愛情進行分析（如果它是可分析的），愛情其實是「征服、佔有、愛與暴力」之間的四項則運算，不能接受的只是P在我心中的形象，原來那個男孩比誰都fierce。

偶而看到P在臉書po的照片，裡面有幾張他在Madison住的地方，窗外有積雪，合租公寓的客廳裡面只擺一張大桌子，上面一盞鹵素桌燈，我承認這是我喜歡的taste，這種畫面總讓我想到Heimingway一個人在冬夜裡寫作，可能只有這樣一張桌子和一盞燈陪伴著他，經過無數的夜晚，然後寫出了"the clean, well-lighted place"，而晚年的硬漢最後回到Idaho，在地上可能還有殘雪的春天時，終於受不了這樣的沉悶與陰鬱，拿槍斃了自己（雖然Hemingway大部分的寫作時間都在歐洲和非洲，那裏天氣好上許多）。

最後，我厭倦了這些回憶的flashback，記憶總是猥瑣地扣連著這些景物，如鬼魅般迤隨。我想離開了，我想接觸新的領域，學新的東西，唯一放不下的就是練三鐵的team，跟他馬的今年還不知道拿不拿得到的Boston marathon入場卷？！我一個人可能沒有那麼強大的意志在冬天維持跑步、游泳~