murmur about recent life

1. Time flies and I think I should write something. I just knew it's not easy to keep writing after graduating from school and starting working.

2. I am thirty-two years and turning to be thirty-three two days later. The worst part is that most my freinds listed on facebook have gotten married and have cute babies; defintely it can be called the baby boom on facebook. And I just realize that I am going to walk on another way different from my sttraight freinds. And being a gay in the closet will be just an unspeakable but obvious secret for me one day; however, I insist that the timing and decision of coming out should be under my control. Anyway, I just thought I've passed the anxiety of entering the threshold of thirties- it does bothers me lots while I was in twenty-eight and twenty-nine - but how come it is like a nightmare coming back and entangleng me again?

3. When being a lifeguard in Wet 'n' Wild, I found out that some of my body hair became brown. I just thought that's because the food I had made my body changed a little; however, after I came back to Taiwan and my hair grows longer; then I just knew it's aging!!! kind of sacry!!! Actually it's not brown or golden, but it turns out to be gray; then it looks like brown under the sunshine.

4. Go big or go home. It's a question about the strategies. And it seems that I screwed up a lot of things. I hate myself for being so stupid.

diaspora

Dispora is a cultural jargon originally used to describe the the Jewish exodus from the Europe mainly to the U.S. due to the Nazi persecution during World War II; however, dispora probably is also one sort of gays' destiny - leaving their family wherever living in another domestic city or the alien one - for getting rid of the pressure of the expected marriage. Hmm...last week I visited one of my scool siblings who just came back from Luxembourg; it's been about three years that I didn't see her. And this time she came back with her husband and her newborn baby, so I think it's a good timming to visit them. During our catch-up, her sister showed up for palying with Morgen, that cute baby. So this is first time I saw her sister, vice verse. Hmm...I guess we are almost the same age. She's a doctor, clever though not stunningly beautiful in my subjective judgement. Yeah! I was thinking about the beautiful-heterosexual romance for a short moment. And even probably we have the backgraound gap need overcoming; yep, she comes from a wealthy family, but it's not my genesis; I have nothing but myself.... Anyway, it's uncessary for me to worry about that because I am queer. It bothers me just beccause my friend she'd like to do matchmaking.... Well, it just wasted our time! I think most of gays if they don't come out, they onece have had some clandestine affair; it's unspeakable especially to our family. Hmm...If I keep it my own secert, it's only my burden, and no harsh time or parental tension would be undergone! That makes gay diaspora....  (Sigh~)